i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Come on in and take your pants off
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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