belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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