strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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