More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
too bad you live with your parents still
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
COCAINE IS GR8
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
