Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
