Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
