lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
