just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
