I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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