I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
