I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
