between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
