i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
