I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
