is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
