Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We're too hungover to prance.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
