Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
