we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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