I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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