Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
