Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
