Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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