i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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