there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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