Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
