its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
