I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
