the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
