When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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