I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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