did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
