dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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