youre lurking in front of me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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