I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
