hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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