he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
