i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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