Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
