if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
