Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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