24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
