Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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