a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
