I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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