I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
