is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
