Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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