does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
