I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I need to align my fucking chakras
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
