Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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