ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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