see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
