dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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