I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
