I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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